History's Honorable Mentions: Part 1- Wilmer Mclean

It has been said before that History only remembers the victorious, well today, we are giving out the first historical equivalent of a participation ribbon. Remember those? Coaches gave those ribbons to the kid that always dug holes with a stick in center field so that he wouldn't grow up to put anthrax in people's mail.

Anyway, the first recipient of this "award" goes to Wilmer Mclean, a wholesale grocer during the Civil War. He married a woman from a wealthy family so naturally he inherited all of her family's property. You might of heard about this on Jeopardy as "What is the worst pre-nup in history?" This 1,200 acre patch of God given Southern land was located in Bull Run, Virginia and he lived there at the start of the Civil War.

On July 17th of 1861, Mclean accepted Confederate troops into his home for them to use it as a command center. The next day, as the officers were gathered for dinner, a cannonball tore through the kitchen and exploded out through the fireplace. A battle ensued and Wilmer thought it might be a good idea to move.

However, U-Haul back then was just Ol' Patch-Eyed Jimmy and his trustee fleet of oxen. It took so long for Wilmer to be able to move that he was still there by the time the 2nd Battle of Bull Run proved that sequels don't have to be worse than the original. After this battle, Wilmer finally had enough.

Mclean landed a real estate agent back when you could actually buy a real estate and left the war zone with his family.

To move to a town called Appomattox, Virginia and have the war come to an end in his parlor room.

His house was where the retreating Confederate army fled to and where the final armistice was signed. This man just couldn't get away from the Civil War. For years after the Civil War showed up in more places of his life. When he was intimate with his wife, sources say that instead of pulling out he would just "Secede" from their Union. The rest of his life he took his eggs Southern Side Up. He even called his socks "Articles of Confederacy". Poor guy couldn't even jerk off without thinking about a Southern uprising. (I'm so sorry.  I have a problem.)

Till next time!